On a July night

 

Montmarte wall

An hour before midnight here in Manila and I can feel myself restless.  It's been weeks since I came back from Europe. Oh Europe... deserves a separate entity here.

But here now, I have this sudden urge to wipe out everything with my intrusive thoughts. Blame it on some fucking quote about taking a leap. Blame it on the Dutertes and the shit holes they make. Blame it on my blurry eyed plane rides. Blame it on rose colored glasses. Blame it on my 40-ish heartbreak... but I think I want to experience how it is to live and work outside of the country. Madrid, maybe? An untapped surge of Stockholm syndrome from our colonizer.  Madrid is nicer than I thought and I feel like hell yeah, I dazzurve to be here though after everything!

Not out of incessant need but just to do something. To live and breathe. I wish this urge isn't just a spark from a faulty lighter but a sustained flame on a marathon for years. I have stuff to settle-- kids to feed and mold, scripts to write, heart and mind to put under fire again. Let me see. This can be washed out by a nice white beach in the tropics or maybe not. Salt water might heal or rub the wounds further. If it rubs then may it burn me enough to leave and live!

Amor fati.💗