Home Marinade
Or just a fancy term for quarantine at home. Marinading not with toyo and kalamansi but with the tropical heat of a third world country and suppressed anxiety. Anxiety is on a loop these days. I don't have much of it since i kinda like the looming chaos and uncertainty of things. Everyone is on page one and no one knows what's next. And while waiting for that, I've been trying to stay productive and lazy at the same time. I exercise almost everyday using tabata moves, weights and yoga. This is the first time that i am consciously working out and I intend to do this so that when things are back to normal I could play better tennis, run longer around UP Diliman, aim higher in wall climbing and just surf better. I just want to do things better at the stuff i enjoy. That and to age well and stronger.
The lazy part? I can't bring myself to write something that i have wanted to do. Heck, i have already painted my nails with a coat of glitter, made a bead necklace, marathoned the Money Heist and i have yet to do this. I know this is the perfect time but i am not compelled. I can't even watch this online writing workshop i paid for a couple of months ago. Ewan ko ba. Is this my response to the pandemic? I've read somewhere that Shakespeare took this similar time for him to make King Lear and that Newton discovered gravity. But i'm not Shakespeare and I will never be Newton. What if i'm just going to be someone who gets paid to write on TV? I just wish i had the motivation and the struggle to do some kaluluwa writing. To have a piece of my voice out in the open. Paano kung wala na pala akong kaluluwa? What if i don't want my voice anymore? Hays, so many deep thoughts and questions. This is what marinading brings you.
On shallow thoughts, I had my birthday on lockdown and it's one for the books i could say. I'm looking forward to another rebirth of sorts this year. The new normal. Picking up pieces of what was left in our society. New stories to tell and experiences to savor. I'm nearing my 40s now and leading to that, i guess this is a good shake up from daily life (motivations included) as we know it.
The lazy part? I can't bring myself to write something that i have wanted to do. Heck, i have already painted my nails with a coat of glitter, made a bead necklace, marathoned the Money Heist and i have yet to do this. I know this is the perfect time but i am not compelled. I can't even watch this online writing workshop i paid for a couple of months ago. Ewan ko ba. Is this my response to the pandemic? I've read somewhere that Shakespeare took this similar time for him to make King Lear and that Newton discovered gravity. But i'm not Shakespeare and I will never be Newton. What if i'm just going to be someone who gets paid to write on TV? I just wish i had the motivation and the struggle to do some kaluluwa writing. To have a piece of my voice out in the open. Paano kung wala na pala akong kaluluwa? What if i don't want my voice anymore? Hays, so many deep thoughts and questions. This is what marinading brings you.
On shallow thoughts, I had my birthday on lockdown and it's one for the books i could say. I'm looking forward to another rebirth of sorts this year. The new normal. Picking up pieces of what was left in our society. New stories to tell and experiences to savor. I'm nearing my 40s now and leading to that, i guess this is a good shake up from daily life (motivations included) as we know it.
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